I miss you so much. I swore I heard you barking for me in the morning. I even woke up with the urgency check on you in the early morning to make sure that you didn't urinate on yourself.
Please forgive me for what had to happen yesterday (04/01/11). Even though I kept seeing your painfull situation getting worse, I wish you could have talked to me to reassure me that you were in a lot of pain and to further reinforce my succumbing to the ultimate decision of putting you to rest. Trust me, it took a lot of veteranarians' sincere suggestions to convince me that it was best for me to put you to rest. It was only until your pain and low quality of life became more frequent that I knew I had to let you rest.
I can't stop thinking of you and specially of you during your last moments. The day before I put you to rest, I bought you the expensive kind of doggy prepared food because I wanted you to eat something I knew you would enjoy. I am pretty sure you enjoyed it because you didn't want me to take away the tupperware it came in. After you ate your delicious meal, I took you for a long walk and made sure that I let you lead the way and let you smell everything you wanted to smell. After the long walk, I took pictures of you and inked your paw and made you do some finger painting so I can have an art piece made by you. I thanked you for the art piece, hugged you, and kissed your wet nose good night and you licked my face in return, which is something you hadn't done in a long while.
I really couldn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned in my bed and cried on my pillow for you. Throughout the night, I did everything I could to prepare myself for what was going to happen the next day. I even prayed for you and in the prayer, I asked God that if and only if I was going to do the correct thing, then to please give me the feeling that I was indeed going to do what was best for you. Believe it or not, I did feel reassured after the prayer but I was still reluctant to let you go. I did not want the sun to come up.
When the sun came up, it was a difficult for me to keep myself from breaking down into tears and it was an even more difficult task to look at you straight in the face. While you were enjoying another one of those fancy doggy foods, I gave you a warm bath. I ran my fingers slowly through your body. I smelled you. I hugged you very tightly. I kissed your head. I thanked you for everything. Then, I carried you and put you in the van and before I closed the door I kissed you once more. While my mom, dad, and I were taking you to the vet, I cried for you and I was mad at myself for not being able to better your situation no matter what I did.
When we finally got to the vet I didn't want to take you down from the van. I knew that you were not coming back once I took you in there. I swear to God that I did not want to take you. I wanted you with me back at home. I didn't want to let you go but I knew that I had to. I put my sunglasses on because I didn't want you to see me distressed. I carried you out of the van and put your leash on you on last time. I felt my heart thumping heavily at my throat. My tears were flowing heavily. My footsteps were heavy as they were guiding me and guiding you towards the entrance of the vet. Once inside, I took your leash off and slowly ran my fingers through your head while telling you that everything was going to be better without telling you how you were going to be better. I grabbed you and put you on the vet's counter. I layed you down. I put my body on yours. I put my head on yours. I put my hand on your chest and kept petting you. My tears fell on the back of your head but I had to make sure that I didn't burst out crying uncontrollably because I didnt want you to feel scared. My dad was petting your thigh and my mom was petting the top of your head. I then hugged you tightly when I saw the needle coming and second after the vet inserted the first needle (the sedation) inside you, I couldn't control myself anymore. I was hurting for you a lot. When the second needle was applied (the anastetic overdose), I was still were I first was and I felt your breathing get slower and your heartbeats becoming heavier. I felt your last breath escape you and your heartbeat fade away. I was still there even after you weren't anymore. I closed your eyes, ran my fingers through your body one final time, and gave you the longest kiss I could give you on your cheek. I then whispered to you that I will see you soon.
You will be missed grandly by me and my family. I love you so much. Thank you for being at my mom's side when she had her painful spine surgeries. Thank you for being at my sisters side when she fainted frequently. Thank you for being at my sister's side when she was pregnant with Nathan. Thank you for giving my brother happiness whenever he felt down. Thank you for being at my dad's side when he had his heart attack and knee surgery. Thank you for taking care of Nathan from Bon Bon when she used to bite him. Thank you for coming along to pick me up from elementary school and middle school. Thank you for cleaning me up whenever you thought I was dirty. Thank you for letting me use you as a pillow whenever I wanted to. Thank you for being under the table when I used to feed you the vegetables that my mom used to make me eat. Thank you for lightening up my day by being always being available play with me. Thank you for being nice to Maricruz. Thank you for guarding the house from any and all strangers that came close to it. You were a great dog. Now go run around and eat all of that yummy chocolate you loved. I will pray that I meet you in the afterlife.
With Eternal Love,
Emmanuel Hernandez
Your Proud Owner
